Relationship counselling: Re-establishing a connection

Intimate relationships offer love, support, and companionship.  However, maintaining a healthy relationship can be challenging, as it requires effort, effective communication, patience and understanding from both partners. When issues inevitably arise, whether it be due to intimacy problems, mistrust or resentment, psychological-based relationship counselling can help couples navigate their difficulties and build stronger, more resilient bonds.

What is relationship counselling?

Relationship counselling (also known as couples therapy) is a specific type of psychotherapy which is aimed at supporting couples to navigate their problems and improve their relationship. It often involves both partners working together with the psychologist in consultation to address various relationship issues. These issues can range from communication problems and sexual difficulties to conflicts over parenting and infidelity.

What to expect during a relationship counselling session

Depending on the specific approach preferred by the psychologist, a 1-hour relationship counselling session usually involved both partners in a room with the therapist who will initially ascertain the problem, and ask about your relationship history (for example, how you met, how the relationship evolved, living arrangements and whether there are children). As sessions continue, the psychologist will provide a non-judgemental environment in which neither partner is judged for their wants and needs. Conflict resolution skills may also be demonstrated, depending on the nature of the problems experienced by the couple.

As psychology plays a crucial role in relationship counselling, evidence-based techniques are used to understand and improve relationship dynamics. Some of the key psychological approaches commonly used in relationship counselling follow.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
CBT helps couples identify and change negative individual thought patterns and behaviours that contribute to relationship issues. By challenging these thoughts and behaviours, couples can develop healthier ways of interacting with each other, and develop more realistic expectations of one another.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
EFT focuses on the emotional responses and interactions between partners. It aims to create secure emotional bonds by identifying and expressing underlying feelings, leading to a deeper understanding and connection. Often, when conflict arises there is an unhelpful need to “win” or “be right”, and EFT helps couples rather see the importance of empathy.

The Gottman Method
Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is based on decades of research and focuses on building what they refer to as a “sound relationship house”. It emphasizes enhancing love maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, and managing conflicts constructively.

Imago Relationship Therapy
Imago therapy, created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, helps couples understand their unconscious relationship patterns and transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and healing.

Common issues addressed in relationship counselling

Communication problems
Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Counselling helps couples develop better communication skills, such as active listening and assertive expression to prevent misunderstanding, resolve conflict, and avoid mistrust and resentment.

Trust and infidelity
Mistrust can often stem from infidelity, and severely damage a relationship. While it can seem almost impossible to overcome, counselling provides a safe, non-judgemental space for couples to rebuild trust for each other through honest dialogue, an expression of needs, and consistent trustworthy behaviour.

Intimacy and sexual issues
Sexual dissatisfaction can arise in long term relationships, and can lead to emotional distance and resentment. Counsellors often help couples explore and address sexual issues, and work towards promoting a fulfilling and intimate connection depending on the needs of each partner.

Life transition and stress
Major life changes such as having a baby, changing jobs, or moving can strain a relationship. Counselling helps couples navigate these transitions by fostering adaptability, respect and mutual support.

Parenting
Parenting can introduce major challenges for couples, who may find themselves exhausted, distanced from their partner, or their values conflicted. Differing parenting styles are to be expected, and can be respected, but it’s important to balance responsibilities and communicate clearly. Counsellors support couples to find a common ground, and maintain a united front.

Benefits of relationship counselling

Improved communication
Couples learn to communicate more effectively, which reduces misunderstanding and conflict, and fosters a more harmonious relationship.

Enhanced emotional connection
By addressing and expressing underlying emotions, couples can strengthen their emotional bond and intimacy.

Conflict resolution skills
Counselling equips couples with the tools to manage and resolve conflicts constructively, preventing escalation and promoting harmony. In turn this helps each partner to understand the other’s perspective and experiences, which fosters empathy and compassion.

Rebuilding trust
For couples dealing with mistrust (whether due to infidelity or not), counselling can offer strategies to rebuild trust and create a more secure relationship foundation.

Get in touch with Luke at Explore Psychology to enquire further about relationship counselling for you and your partner.